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What If

By: MOEMEI

Searching can be time consuming and finding it is only half the battle, but there is never a better time to fall in love. Having someone to love you is the best remedy for anything. Knowing you have someone to depend on in any given circumstance sheds angelic light upon that someone. Until I fell in love nothing made sense, life was like a revolving door of rites of passages-love not a passage for everyone. When I began to accept the role of a spinster love walked into the front door of my job……..
Motion pictures make love seem like an advertisement. They make you want it so bad until you are willing to do anything to find it, buy it, or window shop for it. Falling in love is more difficult than anything I have ever done including losing 100lbs I lost to make myself more marketable. Researcher’s claim that for every one male born there are five females, the odds of finding love is astronomical. Living in the city of Philadelphia, which is a major metropolis with tons of things to do on any given night I can never choose where to go. Before I lost the weight the only place I would go was the gym, now the gym is my sanctuary. I’ am so thankful for the Philadelphia Sports Club late night hours. I work out beside a sweaty, muscle builder that ignites my fantasies. Who needs sleep when you can workout next to the man of your dreams? He just might be the one because he has watched me transform since the first time I came in two years ago at 250 lbs. Tonight I’ am going to make him notice me. I will even bring a change of clothes in case he asks me out. As I walk into the gym I cannot help but feel like tonight is the night, it is almost like waiting on a pregnancy test result. The wait is excruciatingly painful for a result than can change the rest of my life. I’ am so nervous I have gas. I let one loose in the sauna and it sounds like a vibrator. Good thing I’ am the only woman here tonight, I look good I keep telling myself while basking in the glow of my sweat. Even after losing weight, I have not lost the feeling of being a fat woman. I remember growing up feeling like the black sheep amongst my half sisters who were all model figured. The more I try to convince myself I look good the less confident I feel. What if he thinks I’ am desperate? I realize this is not a good idea because I have no way to make him notice me without making a fool out of myself. The night winds down uneventfully. I want to cry when I watch him leave. My only hope is that he will attend the annual marathon. It is my latest incentive for working out at night.

I’ am a defense attorney at a prestigious law firm in downtown Philadelphia. My reputation for being the best is undisputed. Last year I settled a case for $12 million against a pharmaceutical company. My boss gave me a huge raise that accompanied a large office with a fantastic view that even overlooks my $600,000 condominium and a convenient parking space. I’ am the envy of every woman I encounter but the hard work it took to get here still gives me panic attacks, as if I just escaped a near fatal accident. I’ am no Einstein either or else I would have found chemistry with someone by now. The longest lasting relationship I have is with my Papillion named Domino, his picture is my screen saver on my computer and my family thinks I’ am crazy because I spoil him so much. He earns every bit of it by being my running partner and looking at me like I’ am crazy when I cry because of not having a man, that’s what friends are for. I rarely have walk in clients but to my surprise my assistant says there is a handsome man waiting to meet me and he claims that I was expecting him, the nerve of him to think that his good looks are going to gain him the advantage in my schedule. I ask her what is the matter regarding and she says, he said “it is personal.” Personal? Personal! I hope he looks as good as she says he does I could use some eye candy before I take my lunch break. In walks the rest of my day, the rest of my life, father of my future children and the sexist man alive. My mystery man at the gym is a teacher and volunteers at the several local recreational facilities, his name is Richard. I feel so comfortable with him in my office I forget that he is an unannounced guest, I forget that I’ am a lawyer, I forget where we are. Next thing I know I’ am asking him if he wants to order lunch out as if we have known each other for years. I don’t know how he found me or what he wants because we talked about our love for music and planned a dinner date for the next day. The next day we met at my favorite Starbucks, what is interesting is I don’t care what he wants or how he found out where I worked, he could very well be a stalking murderer trying to take out revenge for a case I won. I meet him again the next day at a recreational center in North Philadelphia where he volunteers. Domino is with me and at his insistence I leave him outside because someone might be allergic. The facility is shabby but large enough to entertain the dozens of kids that are there. They seem not to mind the missing florescent light bulbs that make the place look dim along with the hunter green painted walls that make it look gloomy and scary. There is so much liveliness in there playing and squealing voices, no one even notices me as they flock towards Richard to get a hug. I wish I could have a hug too. When he introduces me as his friend who is here to help, I get a roar of applause followed by a massive attack of hugs, enough to make me fall over. Be careful what you wish for. Suddenly I began to wonder what have I got myself into. I have only a few possible scenarios of what help could actually mean perhaps monetary donation, legal counsel, or volunteer assistance. I would be obliged to provide any of these but a little offended that he is volunteering my services without my consent. We stay there long enough to cheer on a game of basketball, and serve prepared lunches. Upon leaving I notice that my closest companion has disappeared, instantly my life unravels. What I thought to be my closest companion is now my long lost friend.

Together, Richard and I put up an endless search for my four legged comrade, braving the streets of North Philadelphia in the cold describing Domino to every passerby. Our combined efforts brought us closer. Richard posted pictures of Domino on every corner within a 10 mile radius of the recreational center and there was no response for weeks. I threw myself into work during those lonely weeks and as my longing for my furry friend dissipated a new awakening arrived. Love had me in a choke hold. Everything happens for a reason this truth awakened me to realize that the man of my dreams is a reality in my life, and if it had not been for him calling me everyday to see how I was feeling and to tell me he missed me at the gym I might have fell off the band wagon and begin to eat myself into a fat suit. What if I had not lost my pet friend? How would I know my love valued what is important to me? That’s a great lesson I learned in compatibility it means to share so much more than interest and hobbies. It is Saturday and Richard wants to see me at the gym today. I wear all black to disguise any extra pounds I put on during my absence. He is waiting for me in the lobby and I swear every time I see him my heart flutters. We embrace each other in a hug that lasts for eternity it is the first time I ever felt like I was where I belonged. I feel his longing for me and I believed it when he tells me he missed me. We decide to go for a stroll downtown and he insists that we go inside of the Kimmel Center. I hope he does not want to see a show because I’ am not a classical or jazz type of woman, I prefer reggae and old school hip hop. Thankfully there are no performances scheduled instead the customer service representative leads us on a tour of the building and we are equally amazed by the intricate architecture of the facility.

Richard discloses his deep concern for the recreational center due to Mayor Nutter’s budget cuts. I feel hopeless for him because there is nothing anyone can do except protest and that kind of action involves serious leadership and risk. During our dinner at Lorenzo’s Pizza Parlor he petitions me to help him by taking legal action against the city. I explain to him there is no law against what the Mayor is doing. Richard claims that he is taking away privileges that taxpayers paid for their children to have. I agree to take the matter up with my boss. That Monday I feel like I put my foot in my mouth. My boss is not the most humane man in the world, as attorneys we have to create boundaries to protect ourselves from taking the hardships of our clients too personally. I approach my boss with enthusiasm about the prospects of making us a fortune and solidifying our reputation as the nation’s largest most successful firm. I deliver the synopsis, detailing all of the possible alternatives and outcomes. He responded in silence, the room grew colder as I waited for him to finish marinating. After a few minutes he glares at me and says “Meghan you have no idea what you are asking me to do. There are no real grounds to file claim against the City and if there were you would risk your future at this firm, and as one of my favorite employees I highly suggest that you forget about this matter and focus on the important cases that are your priority at this firm. We have an agenda to attend this year and I need real leadership form you.” I thanked him for his input and rushed out of his office before he decided to give me a lecture.

Richard will not let the issue rest, he insist that him and I have the leadership potential to organize a rally outside of City Hall. Inside of my condo it dawns on me that I don’t really know him and he doesn’t know me that well to suggest this. “How are we going to pull this off Richard? I already have tons of work to do and exactly how do you expect to barge in my office unannounced and ask me to be a freedom rider in your little community protest? In fact how did you find out where I worked at?” I jump to my feet and prepare to make a move for the security alarm instead he pulls me so close to him I can hardly breathe. The aroma of his natural skin without any cologne is intoxicating, for a moment I think we are about to make love but then he whispers in my ear “I watched you transform over the last two years, and you attracted me the first time I laid eyes on you. I’ am not impressed by a woman’s physical beauty as much as I’ am by her personality. One day I was standing behind you when you came in and I noticed you write down your name on the parking register sheet. I searched Google for your name and that’s how I found out about your excellent career path. I must say I was impressed, so much so I felt embarrassed to ask you out on a date. I cannot afford your lifestyle with my public education salary, but I do love the woman that I’ am holding. If you don’t want to go public about the recreational center that’s fine, but I would like you to marry me.” I could not believe my ears, at a lost for words the only thing I could do was sink my mouth into his for a long romantic kiss that made heaven feel like it was on earth.

Love is an uphill that requires the strength and stamina of two to climb. During our brief four months we have consolidated our living expenses under the pressure of economies downhill factor. The greatest hardship of finding a place to live after I resigned m job made us more determined. Everyday I find more satisfaction just being, without having the luxury of a $600,000 condominium. Our coexistence means everything to me. February 1, 2009 will be the day we patiently stand in line at City Hall for a certificate that did not require years of class curriculum. That’s why I recommend love to anyone in want because it’s free. In spite of necessary changes love brings, going through it makes life simpler. I’ am so thankful I found someone who loves me as much as I love me it makes me love everyone more and more. What more can one asks for in life that offers no promises? What if everyone finds someone to love? What a beautiful world this would be….. No more war, no more hunger, no more crying in vain. Love is the answer for everything.

MOEMEI (Rate Passer) added to this story on Tue, Jan 06 2009 15:42:53 EST
Print What If
Genre: Adventure
Created: 10-27-2009
Word Count: 583

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